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  Thethirdshrugoftheevening.

  “Alandoesn'tconcernme.”

  “He'smyfriend,Sean.Andcurrentlyhethinksyouhadsomething todowithit.Thatconcernsme.”

  “Absurd.WhywouldIkillmyowncontact?”

  “Idon'tknow,buthedoesn'ttrustyouatall,andIcan'tblamehim forthat.Everythingthatheknowsaboutyourevolvesaroundlies,cover-ups,andmurders.Hethinksyou'reacriminal―ahigh-endone.Thekind thatdoesn'tgetcaught,”Iinformedhim,myvoicetakingasterntone.

  “HeknowsyouhadsomethingtodowithMatty'sbodydumpandthe corpseposedasthePortsmouthkillerinacarinMasssomewhere.Hehas youpegged,Sean.He'snotgoingtoletuponyou.He'sgoingtodigand diguntilhefindssomething,or,inyourcase,doesn'tfind anything, whichwillonlyincriminateyoufurtherinhiseyes.”

  “Whyareyousoconcernedaboutthis?Hecan'tdoanythingtome.”

  “Iknowthat,buthe'smyfriend.I'mclosetohisfamily,andIcan feelthatslippingawaybecausehedoesn'ttrustmenow.Hethinksyou're blackmailingme,orusingme―Idon'tknowexactlywhathethinksis goingon,butit'snotgood.HethoughtthatmaybeIkilledMattyand that'swhyyoucovereditup,forfuck'ssake!Hewantsanswers,Sean.

  Badly.”

  “ Andhe'llhavethemwhenIfindoutwhokilledMcGurney.The onesheneedstohear,anyway. ”

  Ididn'twantargue.Ihadotherissuesthatneededattention,andI knewthatstartingafightoverAlanwasnotgoingtobethebestwayto segueintothem.

  “Fine,”Iwhispered,pushingawayfromthecounter.

  “Ruby,”hesaidwithcautioninhistone.“Idon'twishforthistobe difficultonyou,butImustdomyjob.IfIfindoutthatthegovernment knowsaboutyourkind,Ican'tbegintotellyoutheshitstormthatwill follow.”Hecamearoundthecountertojoinmeinthetightareabehind it.Hispresencealwaysseemedtotakeupmorespacethanitneeded,like theintensityofhisenergydemandedit.Ieasedagainstthewalltomake roomforit.“I'vetoldyoumorethanIshouldhavealready,”hesaid, reachingformyface.Myeyesclosedinstinctively,awaitingthecontact.

  “Sean,”Isaidsoftly,thewordscatchinginmythroatwhenhishand grazedmycheek.“Ineedtotellyousomething.”

  Iopenedmyeyestofindhimstaringatmefromonlyinchesaway, hisexpressionholdingahintofamusement.

  “Offeringupinformationtome?”hemocked,leaninghisbody againstmineeversoslightly.“Whoareyouandwhathaveyoudonewith myRuby?”

  MyRuby...

  “ I'mbeingserious,”Igrouched,thoughitcameoutasmoreofa breathlessprotestationthananythingelse.ThatwasSean'seffectonme.

  “Icanseethat,”hepurredasmyhandsdriftedupintohishairof theirownvolition. Traitors.

  Hislipswereonmine,softandcoaxingasiftheyweretryingtocon meoutofmyattemptsataseriousconversation.Theywerepainfully closetosucceeding.IwasfallingintohisschemebeautifullywhenIfelt astrangebuzzingagainstmyhip.Once.Twice.Thethirdbroughtagrowl fromdeepwithinSean'schest.

  “Ihavetotakethis,”hesaid,abruptlypullingawayfrommetohead forthedoor.“I'llberightback.”

  Suddenly,IfeltlikeIneededacoldshower. WhathadIbeenjust abouttotellhim?Oh...Matty! Iknewthatitwasgoingtoopenupacanof worms,butI'dlearnedfrommypast,andkeepingsecretsfromSean neverpannedoutwell.Iwastakinganewapproach.

  Iwatchedhimthroughthefrontwindow,standingstoically,his backtowardme.Whateverhisconversationwasabout,itwasn'tgood.

  ThemorestillSeanwas,thedeeperthecrisis.

  Minuteslater,hereturned,lookingreserved.Thingswereworse thanIthought.

  “Ihavetoleavetonight,Ruby,”hesaidlikeitwasanadmissionof guilt.“Ihadwantedtotakeyousomewhere.Ihaditallplanned,but―”

  “It'sokay,Sean.Iunderstand.”

  Hesmiledweakly.

  “Iknowyoudo.It'soneofthebestthingsaboutyou.You understandme.”

  Withinsecondshewasbackbehindthecounter,pressingmeagainst thewallthatI'donlymomentsearliermanagedtopeelmyselfoffof.His armscagedmeinashisbodyhoveredjustfarenoughawaytonotbe touchingme.Thedistanceseemedpainful.

  Hisbreathtickledmyear,hismouthplayingdangerouslyclosetoit.

  “Youwantedtotellmesomething.CanitwaituntilIreturn,or shouldyoutellmenow?Youdecide.”

  Mybrainwasscramblinginaseverecaseofsensoryoverload.Too manythingstoprocessatoncewerethreateningtoblowacircuit.I wantedtokisshim,tellhim,thenthrowhimoutthedoorasquicklyas possiblesoIcouldavoidthefallout.Itwascowardlybuthonest―astep intherightdirectionasfarasIwasconcerned.

  “Itcankeepuntillater,”Iwhispered,myaircominginandoutin sharpgusts.

  “Verywell,”hesaidslyly.“I'lllookforwardtolaterthen.”

  Heslidoutthefrontdoorsecondslater,andIwasleftclutchingmy chest,feelinglikeIhadthefirsttimehe'dcometomystore―confused andfrustrated.Myfrustrationwasofthesexualvariety.

  Withasigh,Iheadedtowardthefrontdoortolock it― again―whenafamiliarfacepoppedupinthewindow.Wavinga paperbagthatundoubtedlycontainedbakedgoodsofsomesort,Ginger smiledwarmlyasshewaitedformetoletherin.

  “Hi,”Isaid,steppingbacktoallowherentrancetotheshop.“It's goodtoseeyou!”

  “No,Ruby,”shesaidwithsadeyes,“it'sgoodtosee you. Iwasn't entirelysurethatIwouldeveragain,butnotGavin.Heknewyou'dbe back.IwishIhadhisconfidenceinthingssometimes.”Shegavemea hug,wrappingheroldandweatheredarmsaroundmywaist.Shewasfrail inappearance,butthosearmsheldastrengththatfarsurpassed expectation,andIstartedtoacheslightlyfromthetenacityofhergrip.

  Shereallyhadworriedformysafety,whichwasironicgiventhather husbandseemedtoknowsodamnmuch.Apparently,hewasn'tvery forthcomingwithhereither.

  ButforallthatGavinappearedtolack,histasteinspouseswastop-notch.Gingerhadalwaysbeennothingbutmotherly,caring,andquickto reininherhusbandwhenthesituationwarranted.She'dcometocheckup onmeaftermyneardrowningbytheRevandwasonceagainonmy doorsteptoseehowIwas.

  Andshebroughttastytreatstoboot.

  Shesmiledasshecaughtmelookingatherbrownpaperbagof deliciousnessandlaughed.

  “Ibelieveyousaidthesewereyourfavoriteslasttime,”shesaid, handingmethebag.Iopenedittofindherkillerchocolatechipcookies.

  Mysteriously,twowereinmyhandasecondlateronamissiontomy mouth.

  “You'rethebest,”Itoldher,motioningtowardthefrontcounter.I steppedaroundbackandgrabbedthestoolIkeptthere,offeringitto Ginger.

  “Thankyou,dear,butIdon'twanttostaylong.I'msureyouhave morepressingthingstodothanindulgemyneedtobesurethatyou're indeedsafeandintact.”

  “Ifitmeansyou'rebringinggoodies,youcancheckuponme anytime,”IrepliedwithawinkasIbitintomysecondcookie.She beamedwithapproval.Herintensegazeandparentalvibemademe wondersomethingthathadn'toccurredtomebefore.“Ginger,”Istarted, puttingmycookiedown,“Ihopeyoudon'tmindmeasking,but...doyou haveanykids?”Shelookedatmelongingly,andIinstantlyregretted asking.I'dhitanerveofsorts,hersadnesspouringoutfreely.“I'msorry.

  Idon'tknowwhy―”

  “Don'tfret,Ruby,”shesaid,pattingmyhandinthemost comfortinggesture.“No,Idonothaveanychildren.NeitherdoesGavin.”

  Ilookedathersympathetically,notknowingwhattosay.“Hehadnone beforeme,anditseemsthatour incompatibilitywouldnotallowforusto bearany.”

  Silencehungheavybetweenusforamoment,forcingmetoaddress thethoughtrunning
rampantinmymind.CouldSeanandIhave children?Withallhisdaddyissuesandmynot-so-stellarparental models,wouldweevenwantthem?IfounditfunnythatsomethingI'd nevergivenanypreviousthoughttosuddenlyseemedlikealife-changing revelation.

  “Whatevermadeyouaskthat?”

  Ishrugged,embarrassed.

  “Therewassomethingaboutthewayyouwerelookingatme―I've seenmyfriendKristywatchherlittleboythatway.I'msorryifI offendedyou.”

  “Ofcoursenot,dear.You'llhavetotryharderthanthatifyouwish to.”

  “That'snotachallengeyoushouldcarelesslythrowout,”Ireplied withalaugh.“Iseemunbelievablygiftedatsayingthewrongthingatthe worstpossibletime.”

  Shesmiledwryly.

  “Iwouldn'tbeatmyselfupaboutthat,ifIwereyou.Perhapsyou comebythathonestly.”

  “I'mnotsure,”Isaid,grabbingmyhalf-eatencookieoffofthe counter.“ButIguessyou'reprobablyprettyusedtodealingwithit.Gavin seemstohaveaknackforpissingpeopleoff,pardonmylanguage.”

  “Thathedoes,”shesaid,chuckling.Shegrabbedacookieandlifted itasthoughgivingatoast.Weclinkedourtreatstogetherlikeglassesof champagne,bondingoverherenigmaticspouse.

  “Ginger,canIaskyousomethingelse?”

  “Certainly,Ruby.Anything.”Hercomposurewasinstantly regained.

  “DoesGavinalwaysspeakaroundthings?Youknow,talkinriddles, oristhatjustsomethingheenjoysdoingtomeforhisentertainment?I knowhe'sold.Maybehejustneedstogethiskicksinnewandirritating ways.”

  Shepressedherlipstightly,takingasharpbreathbeforeslowly lettingitout.Layinghercookiedown,shetookmyhandinhersand claspeditfirmly.

  “Ruby,Gavinhasfaults―manyofthem―butbelievemewhenI tellyouthathehasnothingbutyourbestinterestatheart,”shesaid earnestly.“We bothdo.”

  “Butwhy?”Iprodded,desperateforsomelevelofunderstanding.

  “Heholeshimselfupinthatboat,hiddenawayfromeveryoneand everythingsupernatural,andthensuddenlygetsinvolvedwhentheRev comestotown,butonlytohelpme?Itmakesnosense.”

  “Iknowitseemsthatway,Ruby,butGavinknowsyou'respecial.

  Hewantstoseeyousafewithoutriskingexposure.He'ssurvivedthis longbybeingsmartandcunning.Ifitweren'tforhim,theyallwould havebeenextinctby―”Shecutherselfoffabruptly,unwillingtofinish herdefenseofGavin.“I'msorry.Ishouldn'thavesaidthat.”

  ThewomanI'dknowntoalwaysbesoformalandpoisedwas suddenlyflusteredandverymuchinahurrytogetoutofmyshop.Ina hurrytogetawayfrom me.

  “Who?”Iasked,notwantingtoletherleavewithoutclarification.I neededtoknowwhatshewouldn'ttellme.“Whowouldhavebeen extinct?”

  “I'msorry,Ruby.Ihavetogo,”shetoldmecurtly,collectingher handbagtoleave.“You'llhavetotalktoGavin.Ishouldn'thavesaid that.”Shestoppedjustshyoftheexitbeforeturningtofaceme.Her expressionwaspained,herenergydissonant.“Pleaseforgivemy evasiveness.Itisnotmystorytotell.”

  Istartedtobadgerherfurther,butshespedsurprisinglyfastdown thesidewalk,andIjustcouldn'tbringmyselftochaseherdownand demandanswers.Shewasn'tinapositiontogivethemandevenIwas abovethreateningalittleoldlady.ForthefirsttimesinceI'dreturned,I wasgladScarletwasn'taround.

  *

  IwasnotpleasedtoknowthatGavin'smuchbetterhalfwasequally capableofbeingmysterious,andasIcontemplatedthenewestCFinmy life,fourmorepulledupinfrontofthebuilding.Tobefair,itwasmore likethreeandahalf.Cooperwasn'tafull-blownissuesincehismorning apology,but,judgingbythelookonhisface,hewasheadedinthat direction.

  Isteppedouttogreetthem,thinkingthatsuckingupwasthebest planofaction.

  “Youlookprettyhotdrivingthatgargantuanvehicle,Coop,”Itold him,grinningeartoear.

  Hetotallytookthebait.

  “Ilookhotineverything,Ruby.Youshouldknowthatbynow,”he repliedwithaslysmile.

  “Whataboutus?”Aliasked,steppingoutoftheSUV.“Wedon't lookhot?”

  “Youlooktwelve,Alice,”Cooperspatoverhisshoulder.“Ruby isn'tapedophile.”

  Ilaughed,eventhoughItriednotto.Itwasjusttoogood.

  “Youlookprettysexytoo,Alistair,butit'shardtolookbadass crawlingoutofthebackseat.”

  Helookedatmewithadeflatedexpression,thenshrugged.

  “Fairenough,”hesaid,pullingbagsoffoodoutfromthebackofthe car.“ButdoIlookbetterasadeliveryboy?”Hewiggledhiseyebrowsat meplayfully.

  “Yes.Thatsuitsyou.”

  “Comeon,Alice,”Coopercalledfromthedoorwaytothe residentialpartofmybuilding.“Allofyou,upstairs. Now. ”

  Withoutcomplaint,theyallfiledinwhileCooperheldthedoor openforthem,watchingtheireverymove.

  “I'llberightup,”Itoldhim,openingtheshopdoor.“Ijustneedto grabmystuffandlockup.”

  Iranbackinsideanddidjustthat,thenmademywayupstairs.

  WhenIopenedtheapartmentdoor,Iwassurprisedtoseetheforeigners sittingonthecouch,eatingtheirtakeout.Cooperhadn'trelegatedthemto theirfloorabove.Ismiledslightly.Maybetheyweregrowingonhim?

  “Yourdinnerisonthecounter,”JannercalledtomeasIthrewmy purseonthesofatablebythedoor.“PadThai.Coopersaidyou'dlikeit.”

  “Sweet!Soundsawesome.I'mgoingtogocleanupabitfirst,then I'llberightout.”

  “Hurryup,”AlistaircalledoutasIdisappeareddownthehall.“You don'twanttomissoutonallthefamilyfun!”

  “You'renotfamily,”avoicegrumbledfromthekitchen.

  “Butyou'realwayssayingweneedtohavefamilyhuddles...”

  “Right,butyou'reneveractually inthehuddle,thereforeyou'renot family,”Cooperargued.“Beingthetopicofconversationdoesn'tmean you'rein.”

  “Youboysaregoingtobethedeathofme,”Ishoutedfrommy bedroombeforeshuttingthedoor.

  Cooperwassuddenlyverysilent,asweretheothers.Thenitdawned onme.MychoiceofwordswasexactlytheoutcomethatCooperfeared most.

  IfIwashonest,deepdown,therewasasmallpartofmethatfeared ittoo.

  16

  Ournightwassurprisinglydrama-free― enjoyableeven.Cooperlooked relativelymiserableforthebetterpartofit,butevenhecrackedafew timeswhenBeckett,withhisincrediblydrysenseofhumor,raggedon Alistairforthevariousinfractionshehadn'trealizedhe'dcommitted.

  Alistairwasthemostentertainingwhenhewastryingtobeserious,a traitI'msurewasequalpartsannoyingandendearingtothosewhoknew himbest.

  Itmademewonderwhathismatewaslike.

  Onoccasion,throughoutthenight,Igotthatstrangeguardedfeeling fromoneoralloftheboys.Ijustcouldn'twrapmyheadaroundit.There wasnothingnegativeormaliciousaboutit:moreofaninterruptionof sorts.Atleastthat'swhatIfelt.ItremindedmeofhowSean'sfacecould gocompletelyimpassiveatthedropofahat,maskingwhateverwas goingoninsidehismind.Theneutralbutimpenetrabletonetotheir energymadethemimpossibletoread.WhatIhadtroubleunderstanding wasthetimingofit.Itneveroccurredwhenanyawkwardnessplaguedthe conversation(andthatwasoften),butjustseemedrandomlyinterspersed throughoutthenight.Wasitacopingmechanismofsorts,bornof necessityinapackthatseemedasriddledwithevilasCooper's?Ifso,I wonderedjusthowmuchtheyweren'ttellingusabouttheatrocities they’dfacedundertheruleofthealphatheyhaddestroyedandhow horrifictheirdeathswouldbeshouldtheyeverbediscovered.Itmade evenmoresenseastowhytheywantedtoalignwiththebaddestwolfon theblock.

  Toobadshewasonanuntimelyleave.

 
; Iwantedtoaskthemmoreabouttheirpasts,butCooperwasalways around,andtheyjustdidn'tseemwillingtoopenupmucharoundhim.I couldn'treallyblamethem.Hewasn'treallywarmandfuzzywhenit cametotheboys.

  Iwenttobedwithararesenseofcalm,thoughmybodywas completelyexhausted.Inmyamassingfatigue,Imanagedtowalk squarelyintoawallthathadn'texactlymovedsincethedaybefore.Itwas ablondemomentofepicproportion,andIwasthrilledthatnobodyhad witnessedit.Iwouldn'thaveliveditdownanytimesoon.

  Thenextdaystartedoutwithoutahitch.Peytawasbackatwork.

  Theboyshadtwopromisinghomestocheckoutandhadplannedto spendtherestofthedaybetterorganizingtheirtemporaryabode.Cooper wouldbesupervisingthatactivity.Seansentmeamessageinthe morningsayingthathewouldbebackintownthatevening.Hehadplans forusandmadeapointtoput“plans”inallcaps.Whatevertheywere, theysoundedpromising.Lastly,IgotacallfromKristy,whowasstill downsouthwithhermother,whowasrecoveringfromsurgery.Iheard Louiejibber-jabberinginthebackground,andmyheartnearlymelted.In thefewweeksithadbeensinceI'dseenhim,Icouldalreadyhearthe changesinhim.Theclichéwastrue:kidsreallydidgrowuptoofast.

  IttookmeawhiletogetoffthephonewithKristy.Shewasn'tgoing tobeconvincedthatIwasokayuntilshegottophysicallyseemeandhug metodeath.Ipromisedtocallhersoonandmadehergivemylittle buddyasquishformewithabig,sloppysmoochforgoodmeasure.I heardhimsquealinthebackgroundwhileshediditbeforeyelling,

  “AuntyBooby!Boobysmoochme.Boobysmooches.”Hewasjusttoo cuteforwords.

  Sincethecallranlongerthanexpected,Iwaslatetoworkasusual.

  IfIdidn'tknowbetter,I'dhavethoughtPeytawastheresponsible businessownerandItheslackeremployee.Graciously,shedidn'ttaunt metoomuchwhenIcrashedthroughthefrontdoorwithacoffeecarafe inhand.

  “Nicetoseeyouthismorning,”shemocked,liftingaquizzical brow.“Didyougetdressedinthedarkorsomething?”