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  But,ifyou'rehellbentonsigningyourowndeathwarrant,please,”I baited,sweepingmyarmsdramaticallytowardBeckett.“Bemyguest.”

  ThenamelessbrothereyedmeinawayIwouldn'tsoonforget.It washowtheyallusedtolookatmebackinthebeginning―withutter hatredandresentment.Mystomachdidasickeningflip.Ihadonly startedtogainalittleacceptancewiththebrothers.Oncenewsofmy theatricsspread,Iknewthatwouldbeshottoshit.

  “Asyouwish,”hesaidwithamockingbowbeforewalkingoutthe wayhehadcome.BeckettandIweresilentforamoment,makingsure thebrotherhadleft.

  “Youriskedmuchtodothatforme,”hesaidsoftly.

  “Well,IguessIcouldsaythesameforyouwithyourhandyman stuntdownstairs.IlostalittlecloutwithSean'sbrothers.Youalmost died.”Hesmiledlightlyatmebeforeleaningintokissmegentlyonthe cheek.“Speakingofalmostdying,mightIsuggestyougetyourass upstairsbeforeCoopergetshome?ImaybeabletokeepthePCfrom annihilatingyourass,butCooperisanotherstoryentirely.Afterour shenaniganstheothernight,Ithinkyouguysareonthinice.”

  “Ibelieveyouarecorrect,Ruby.Ifyouareallset,I'llbeonmy way.”

  Inoddedquickly,and,withoutaword,hewasoutthedoor.

  Foramoment,Ihadtroublewrappingmyheadaroundwhathadjust happened.IknewthatSeanandCoopermeantbusinesswiththenew guys,buttoseethatbusinessinactionwassoberingtosaytheleast.Had InotbeenabletomaneuverthingsthewayIdid,Beckettwouldhave beendeadatmyfeetandthePCworkingtheirclean-upmagictoremove anytraceofhisexistence.Itmademewonderiftheotherswouldhave beenexecutedasaprecautionarymeasure.Luckily,thatwasn'tarealityI hadtoface,butIworriedthatitwasn'tfaroffinthefuture.Weneededto getahandleontheTobiassituationinahothurry.

  Shakingofftheremnantsofthenearfatalclusterfuck,Iheadedfor thepaperworkpileofdoomonmydeskthatawaitedmyattention.Istill hadtimebeforetheshopopenedtoputasmalldentinit,andevenwitha growingheadachethatseemedtobeaffectingmyvisualacuity,Iplanned totakeadvantageofit.Tomysurprise,itwassmallerthanIexpectedit tobe.Peytatrulyhadbeenrunningatightshipinmyabsence.

  IploppeddownandstartedsortingthroughthebillswhileIfiredup thecomputer.Ihadasolidhourbeforeitwastimetoopenthedoorsto thepublic,andIplannedtouseittomyadvantage.Fortunatelyforme,it onlytookafewminutestogetbackintotheswingofQuickbooks,and beforeIknewit,threequartersofthestackwasfiledaway.

  Delightedwithmyself,Imademywayoutfronttoprepfor opening.Peytawalkedthroughthedoorsatthatverymoment,greeting mewithasmugsmile.

  “Fancymeetingyouhereatthishour.Ithoughtyouleftopeningto yourminion.”

  “Normally,yes,buttodayI'mfeelinggenerous.MerryChristmas,”I mockedwithacondescendingcurtsyfrombehindthecounter.

  “Ifthat'smyChristmaspresent,itsucks,”shereplied,jabbingme playfullyinthesidewhileshewenttoputherthingsintheback.“Wow,”

  shecalledfromtheworkroom,“youhavebeenbusy,younglady.”

  “You'rewelcome.”

  Shereappeared,anauraofsnarkinessaccompanyingher.

  “Oh,yes... thankyoufordoingyourjob.”

  Isweptmyarmswidebeforetakingafarmoredramaticbowto irritateherfurther.Sherolledhereyesasonlyteenagerscouldandmade herwaytothedisplaycases,wipingeverythingdowntoahighshine.

  “So,”Istartedcautiously,“howarethingswithyourmom?”

  Herarmfrozeinmid-swipe.

  “Okay.”Hervoicewascoldanddistant―unaffected.

  “Okayhow?”Iprobed,wantingtoknowmore,butIwasnervousto pushhertoohard.

  “We'reworkingonit,”shesaid,asombernotetarnishinghertone.

  “Momisabitpreoccupiedthesedays,butshealwaysmakestimeforme.

  Itrytotalktoheraboutmytherapy,butIcanseethatit'shardforherto hear,soIkeepittobriefdescriptionsaboutmyprogress. ” Herwords werebiting;aflashofmemoryassaultedmewithpicturesofherbleeding inthebathroom.Knowingwhereherlifewaslikelyheaded,dramawas onlygoingtoincrease.Sheneededtolearnhowtocompartmentalizeher emotionsinawaythatdidn'tleadtoherslicingherselfforanoutlet.One daythosecutswouldruntoodeep.ThatwasaconsequenceIwas unwillingtoaccept.

  “Well,that'sagreatstart,P,”Isaidencouragingly,hesitating slightlybeforecontinuing.“I'mproudofyou.”

  Shefinallyturnedtofacemewithatightandmournfulsmile.

  “SometimesI'mnotsurewhy.”

  “Peyta,”Isaidcalmly,asifspeakingtoawoundedanimal,“please don'tbesohardonyourself.I'mnotexactlytheposterchildforhealthy reactionstothecurveballslifesendsmyway.”

  AflashofelectricityshotthroughmybodywhenIallowedmyself tothinkofwhathadhappenedinUtah.Apparently,IjumpedwhenIdid.

  “Whatareyougettingat,Ruby?”sheasked,herfacefullof concern.

  “I'mjustsayingthatIdon'talwaysdealwithtraumainthe healthiestfashioneither.Denial,avoidance,andasheerunwillingnessto acknowledgethetrutharegiftsthatIpossessinabundance.Iusethem frequentlytokeepthememoriesatbay.”

  “IsthisaboutwhathappenedtoyouwhenyoumetCooper?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thethingyousaidyoudidn'twanttoevertellmeabout?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ruby,I'veseenalotofwhatyou'vebeenthrough.Noneofitwas good.Howmuchworsecouldwhathappenedtherebe?”

  “Beyondunimaginable,Peyta.”

  Itwasplaintoseethatshewasdesperatetoknowwhathadhad occurredwhenIwasheldcaptive.Notbecauseshewasbeingnosy,butin anefforttotrulyunderstandbothmeandhowIcouldrelatetoher personaldemonsaswellasIclaimedto.Afteramomentofthought,I decidedtotellherbriefly.Ihadneversaidthewordoutloudtomyself, oranyoneelseforthatmatter.LabelingwhathadhappenedtomeinUtah alwaysseemedlikeitwouldgivethatterrorpoweroverme.Inretrospect, itdidexactlytheopposite.

  “Iwasraped,Peyta.Notjustonce...”

  Iwatchedashereyesslowlyfilledwithtearsthatspilledover freely.

  “Ruby...”

  “That'sthefirsttimeI'veeverreallyadmittedthat―using that word―toanyone.”

  “Andhowdoesthatmakeyoufeel?”sheasked,uncertainastowhat todo.

  Icouldn'thelpbutchuckleatherchoiceofresponse.The therapeuticprocessseemedtoberubbingoffonher;amini-psychologist inthemakingwasthedirectresult.Regardlessoftheoff-colorhumorI foundinherwords,Icontemplatedthemheavily.Howdiditfeelto declarethatIhadbeenavictimofunspeakablecrimes?Ihadalways talkedarounditbefore,aseriesofimplicationsthatwereneverfully explained.Thatday,Iputthetruthoutthereforbothherearsandmine.I wasimmediatelyassaultedbyemotionsthatIwasn'tfullyreadyto processordealwith,buttheonethatbubbleduptotheforefrontwasa strangesenseofempowerment.WasIstilltraumatized?Yes.Wasthere damagethatneededrepairingstill?Clearly.WasIgoingtochoosetolet thatdefinemeandcontrolmylife?No.No,Iwasn't.

  Victimizationwasjustanothercage.

  “Itfeelsgood,Peyta.Ithurts,butitfeelsright,youknow?”

  “Ido,Ruby,”shereplied,comingovertohugme.“Ireallydo.”

  Weheldeachothersilentlyforamoment,bothsheddingtearsfor variousreasons,drivenbyvariousmitigatingfactors.Butwhatmattered mostinthatmomentwasthatweknewwewerenotalone,thatwewere thereforoneanothernomatterwhat.Onlyfamilycouldknowyour darkestsecretsandstillloveyouregardless,andthatwasexactlywhatwe were.Family.

  AsmuchasIenjoyedourmomenttogether,Iwasstartingtofeel slightlyoverwhelmedb
yitallthesame.Ineededtoputalidbackonmy emotions,ifonlytemporarily,whichwereescapingtheirsecuredand lockedlocation.Ididn'tneedtotryandmakeupforlosttimeasfaras healingwasconcerned.

  Ilookedattheclockonthewall,whichindicateditwastimeto opentheshop.Withatinysqueeze,IreleasedPeyta,leavingaquickkiss atopherheadasIdid.Shesmiledinresponse,wipingthetearsfromher face.Ididthesame.

  “Well,nowthatwe'reallsetwiththecaringandsharingportionof themorning,let'sgetthisshowontheroad,shallwe?”

  Shelaughedandnodded,walkingtowardthecountertoputtheglass cleaneraway.

  “Hey,speakingoftheroad,where'syourcar?Ididn'tseeitwhenI camein.You'renotactuallylettingCooperdriveit,areyou?Imean,he droveitwhileyouweregone,but...thatwasdifferent.”

  “Ha!”Iscoffed.“Notexactly.Cooperapparentlygotintoan accidentlastnight,sotheTTisintheshop.I'mtryingtoignorethewhole thingandpretendshe'sonvacation.”

  Shechucklednervously.

  “Guesshe'sgladScarletisgone.Ithinkshelovedthatcarasmuch asyoudo.Shewouldhavebeatenhisass.”

  Icouldonlylaughinresponse.Shewasspot-on,asusual.

  “I'mgoingtogoworkontherestofthatpaperwork,ifyou'regood outhere,”Itoldherasacustomercamein.

  Peytagreetedherwarmlybeforereplying.

  “Yep,I'vegotthis.Godoyourthing.”

  Itookmyleaveandheadedtomydesktocompletemymission.

  Twentyminuteslater,Iwasvictorious;thedeskwasclean.Isatbackand admiredmyworkforamoment,allbutpattingmyselfonthebackformy efforts.AsImovedtogetup,Peytastuckherheadintotellmethatthere wassomeoneonthephoneforme.Intrigued,Imademywayoutfront.

  “Hello?”

  “Ruby...I'msorrytobotheryou,butI'minneedofyourapartment foramoment,”Jannersaidreluctantly.

  “Okay,that'sfine.Justgoonin.”

  “Itappearsthatyou'velockedit.”

  “Oh,shit!Sorry.I'llhavetocomeupandletyouin.I'llberightup.”

  “Thankyou.”Thelinewentdead.

  IlookedatPeyta,whoseexpressionreadcuriosity.

  “Ihavetogoupstairsforasec.I'llberightback.”

  “Whowasthat?”

  “HowmuchdidCoopertellyoutheothernightabouttheotherguys whowerethere?”

  “Notmuch,”shesaidwiththefaintestofpouts.“Hejustsaidthat theyweren'tgoingtobearoundforlongandthatIneedtostayawayfrom them.Why?Whoarethey?”

  “Guestsofsorts.They'reinfromoutoftown.Cooper'snotafan, buthe'srightaboutstayingawayfromthem,”Iexplained.“Jannerneeds somethingfrommyplace.I'mjustgoingtogolethimin.I'llbebackin five.”

  “ShouldIbeconcernedifyoudon'treturnimmediately?”sheasked ashermentalwheelsspun.Shewasasmartkid.Shewasalreadyplanning forthe“whatif”scenarios.

  “IfI'mnotbackinfive,Iwantyoutolockupandleave,doyou understandme?”

  Shenoddedonce.

  Beforeshecouldsayanythingelse,Ifledtheshopandunlockedthe adjacentexteriordoor.Runningupthestairs,Iheardthedooronthethird floorcreakasitslowlyopened.

  “Youcancomedown,”Icalledout,stridingacrossthelandingto unlocktheapartmentdoor.

  Withoutaword,Janner'slongframelithelyclimbeddownthestairs tomeetme,stoppingafewstepsshy.Helookedconflicted,asifhe wantedtosaysomethingbutthoughtbetterofit.Idon'tknowwhat Cooperhadsaidtothem,butjudgingbyhisseverelytenseenergy,it couldn'thavebeenespeciallywarmandfuzzy.

  “Somethingwrong?”Iaskedsoftly,encouraginghimtosharehis concerns.

  “Beckettwasnottryingtogetyouintoanytroubletoday,Ruby,”he repliedsoberly.“Norwerewetryingtotheothernight.Itwasjustsonice towatchalittlefootball.Itfeltso normal.Wemeantnoharmbyit, especiallynottoyou.”

  “I'msorryaboutyesterdaytoo,”Isighed,feelingincrediblyguilty abouttheentireshowdown.“Cooperis,well,yousee,it'sjustthathe's...,”

  Irambled,tryingtofindanacceptablewaytosaythathewasinsanely protectivebecauseofmyhumanstatusforthetimebeing.

  “Heisyouralpha,”Jannersaidmatteroffactly.“Itishisjobto watchoutforyou.Thisisunderstandable.It'salsovery honorable―somethingwearenotaccustomedtoseeinginaleader.”His eyeswerefilledwithpainandsadness.Whatevertheyhadleftbehindin Londonwasnotafamily.“Itissurprisingthough,”hecontinued,daring toinchhiswayclosertome.“Heactsasthoughyouareincapableof protectingyourself.Ifindthissostrangegivenyourreputation.”

  Isquirmedunderhisobservation.Hewasright.Cooper'soverly enthusiasticmethodsofkeepingmesafewereironicallymorelikelyto exposemethananythingelse.

  “He'samanwiththevaluesofanerapast,”Isaidinjest,hopingto sellmyperformance.“Cooper'shadaroughgoofthings.WhenItook himin,Ithinkhefeltthathewasmyprotector.It'sbeenhimandmeever since.”Itriedtokeepallintensityoutofmyvoice,butitinevitably leakedinwithmylastsentiment.“Hewould neverletanythinghappento me,regardlessofmylegendarilylethalwerewolfreputation.”

  Janner'sfacesoftenedslightlyashetookhisfinalsteptoclosethe distancebetweenus.

  “Completelyunderstandable,”hesaidwithalightsmile.“After yourhospitalityandkindness,Iwouldn'twanttoseeanythinghappento youeither.”

  Therewasanawkwardpause,whichIwasdesperatetobreak.

  Lingeringsilencemademyskincrawlandmybodyitchtoescape.

  Somethingabouthisenergywasonlyheighteningmyresponse.The guardednaturefromhisarrivalwasleakingbackintotheairaroundhim, andIjustcouldn'tfigureitout.Itwastooneutral, unreadable― mechanical.

  “Okay,well,ifthat'sallyouneed,”Isaid,steppingtowardthe stairs.

  “Yes,thankyou,”hereplied,pushingthedoorajar.“Oh,wait, Ruby.Thereisonemorething.Theboyshavebeenwonderingwhenwe mightbeabletogo out.”

  “Wecangooutwhenever.Wheredoyouwanttogo?”

  Helaughedtohimselfslightlybeforeclarifying.

  “I'msorry.Ishouldhavebeenmoreclear,”heexplained.“They wanttoknowwhentheycangooutto Change.They'renotaccustomedto beingsopennedinallday.Theywanttorunfreeforawhile.Maybe hunt.”

  “Andwhatexactlywouldtheyliketohunt?”Iaskedasmyconcern rose.

  “Anythingreally.Deer.Rabbits.Coyotes.Whateverisavailable.”

  Ibreathedanaudiblesighofrelief.

  “Yeah,thatshouldn'tbeanissue.AskCooperaboutit.I'msurehe canarrangesomething.”

  Janner'seyesnarrowedeversoslightlyatme.

  “Willyoubejoiningus?WewouldlovetoseeaRougeetBlancin allherglory― hunting.Itmustbeamagnificentsighttobehold.”

  Istarteddownthestairsinanot-so-subtleattempttofleemy growinganxietyandhidemylackofgameface.

  “You'vealreadyseenmerunthroughthewoodsinmywere-human form.Idoubtbeingfurrywouldbeallthatdifferent,exceptforthefour-leggedpart.Besides,I'mreallynotthatimpressive,Janner,”Icalledover myshouldertohim.“Youshouldn'talwaysbelievethehype.”

  Itriedunsuccessfullytoslowmyracingheart.Wewereflirting withdisaster,CooperandI.Weagreedthatitwasbestthattheboysnot knowaboutScarlet'sAWOLstatus,butatsomepoint,itwasboundto cometolight.Ididn'tknowhowmuchlongerwecouldkeepthatcatin thebag.

  AsIreachedthebottom,IheardJanner'sphoneringandhimanswer itthroughtheopenapartmentdoor.Giventhetonehisvoiceheldandthe fewchoicewordsheused,somethingwasupanditwasn'tgood.Whoever hewastalkingtowasn
otanally.

  Whenawaveoffearwashedthroughthestairwayandoverme,I knewwhoitwas. Alpha...

  Sprintingbackupthestairs,IarrivedjustintimeforJannertogreet meattheapartmentdoor,hisfaceslackandexpressionless.Helooked likehehadseenaghost.

  “It'shappening,”hewhispered,lookingthroughmeratherthanat me.

  “Itwashim,wasn'tit?”Iasked,myfearrisingalongwithhis.

  “I'msosorry,Ruby.Wedidnotmeantobringtroubleforyou.”He pushedpastmeandheadedupthestairs,callingtheothersashemadehis way.

  “Whatdidhesay?What'scoming?”Inattered,tryingtokeepup withtheunendingsurgeofquestionsthatshotthroughmymind.

  “Ihavetotelltheothers,”hecontinued,ignoringmyquestions entirely.

  “Tellthemwhat,Janner?”

  Heturnedhisblankfacetowardmeastheothersmetusinthe hallway.

  “Death,Ruby,”heutteredwithcompletedetachmentfromhis ominouswords.“Deathiscomingforus.”

  23

  Thethreeofthemstartedtoarguebackandforthaboutthebestcourseof actionasthoughthey'dneveronceplannedwhattheywoulddoinsuchan event.Apparently,they'dputalltheireggsinonebasket― mybasket.

  Theywereinforarudeawakeningofepicproportions.

  “Waitaminute!”Iyelledoverthem.“Isthatwhathesaid?”

  “Inasense,”Jannerreplied.

  “No,thisisnottimeforparaphrasing.You'regoingtotellme exactlywhathesaid,”Iinformedhim,headingdownthestairs.“ButI'm goingtocallSeanfirst.You'regoingtotellusbothwhathesaidsowe canfigurethisclusterfuckout.”

  Theyeyedmetightly,notseemingtoopleasedbymybossytone, buttheyweregoingtohavetolivewiththat.AsfarasIwasconcerned,I wasnextinlinebehindCooper,somywordwaslawinhisabsence.They maynothavelikedit,buttherewasn'ttimetobickeraboutwhowasin charge.Whentheuniversethrewyouacurveball,itwasn'tthetimeto discusswhetherornotyoushouldswingorstay.Itwastimetogetthe fuckoutoftheway,andthatwasexactlywhatSeanwasgoingtofigure out―howtododgethepitch.