FRACTURED Page 2
“Shetriedtokillhim,”Isaidquietly,staringatmyhandsrestingin mylap.“ScarletnearlyletMattystabhimtodeath.Hetriedtogetherto killSean,whichshe,ofcourse,didn'tdointheend.ShekilledMatty instead.Thepainshefelt...Cooper...itwasunbearable,”Iwhispered.
“Angry...shewasso,soangry.ShetoldSeanhewouldpayandranoff.
Rightbeforeherescape,sheshutmeout.Afterthat,Ididn'tseeathing.”
Hestaredatmeinutterdisbelief.Icouldn'tblamehim;itwasalot totakein.
“IthoughtSeanwas...?HowdidScarlet...?Wait...howdidyouget back?”hestammered,barelyabletofinishhisthoughts.Ihesitated,not knowingwhatexactlytosaytoanyofhisquestions.Ireallyonlyknew theanswertoone.
Sensingmyanxiety,hepulledmedowntolienexttohim,andI nestledinclose,stillrestingontopofthebedding.Hewrappedhislong, musculararmsaroundme,tuckingmeintothecrookofhisneck.My apprehensionleftmeinstantly.ThatwasthehomecomingIhadwanted.
“Doyounotwanttotalkaboutthistonight?”heasked,strokingmy hairslowly.
“It'sjustthatIdon'thavetheanswers,Coop.Icantellyouabit aboutthemenwhofoundme,butthat'sit.”
“Thenstartthere.”
“LikeIsaidbefore,Scarletleftmedeepinthewoods.WhenIcame to,Isawthemthroughthetrees,walkingtowardsme.Itwaslikethey knewI'dcometomysenses,likethey'dbeenfollowingmeforawhile, waitingformetosnapoutofit.Ofcourse,Ipanickedandtookoff running,butassoonasIheardthembehindme,Iknewwhattheywere.”
“Werewolves...,”Coopersaid,hisgriponmetighteningeverso slightly.Iwonderedifhenoticed.
“Exactly . Oneofthemtackledmefrombehind.Icrackedmyhead onalogandknockedmyselfout.Iwokeupadaylater.They'dbrought mebacktothecabinwheretheylived.Theypatchedmeup,treatingwhat theycould,andthentheyhelpedmegethome,”Isaid,hedgingslightly.
“Tomy mate.”
“Yourmate?But—”
“Idon'tknowwhattheysensed,Coop,butthat'swhattheysaid.
Theytreatedmewiththeutmostrespect.Theyneverlaidanunwanted fingeronmethewholetimeIwasaroundthem―barringthetackling incident,ofcourse,”Iexplained.“Therewassomethingabouttheway theysaidmate...itmademewonderifImighthavebeenintroubleifthey hadn'tsensedwhattheydid.”
“Youmighthave,”Coopergrowled.“Andwhoexactlywerethese wolves?”
“Idon'tknow.Theymusthavementionedtheirnames,butIdon't remember.”
“Youdon'tremember?”
“Hello,Ihadaheadinjury.Wasn'tthinkingclearly.”
“You'reawalkingheadinjury,”hemocked,givingmeaplayful nudgeinanefforttocalmhisgrowingrage.“Sodoyouknow whereyou were?”
“SomewhereupinMaine,theysaid.NeartheCanadianborder.
Theysaidtheyhadbeentryingtotrackmeforawhile,buttheycouldn't catchme.Asfarastheyknew,IhadonlybeeninnorthernMainefora fewdays.Theyneversawmebeforethat.”
“SoScarletwasonthemove?”
“Iguess.”
“Thatwouldexplainwhyitwassohardtofindyou.”
“I'msorry,Coop.Iknowyoutried.IfIcouldhavestoppedher—”
“Makemeadeal,okay?”heasked.“Nomoreapologizingtonight.I thinkitactuallymakesmeangrier.”
“Fine.Consideritretractedthen,”Isaid,yawning.“I'mgoingtotry andsleepnow.”
“Okay,Rubes,butIgottasaythatsomethingisn'taddingupwithall ofthis,”hesaid,adjustinghisarmundermyhead.“Imean...where's Scarlet?Shedidn'tcomeoutwhenyouwereinthewoods;shedidn't comeoutwhenIwasreadytoattackyou.She livesformomentslikethat.
Whydidn'tshecomeouttohelpyou?”
“Becauseshe'sgone,Cooper,”Iwhisperedinreply.
“Gone?”heasked,hisdisbeliefapparent.
“Yep.Gone,asinleftthebuilding.”
“But you'rethebuilding.She'spartof you.”
“Exactly.”
“I'mnottryingtobethickhere,Ruby,butIdon'tgetit.”
“Idon'teither,Coop,butmyguessisthatwhateverdarkenedspace sheshovedmedownintoisexactlywhereshe'sgone.Idon'thearher.I can'tfeelher.Andnoamountoffearoranxietyevencoaxesher,”I informedhim.“Somethingwentwrong,Cooper.Really,reallywrong.”
“Youneedtotell—”
“Don'tsayit. Pleasedon'tsayit,”Isaid,proppingmyselfuponmy arms.“It'sprettyplainthathewantsnothingtodowithme,andI certainlycan'tblamehimforthat.Tellinghimwon'tchangeanything.
Notrightnow,anyway.”Ilaybackdown,cuttingofftheconversation beforemytrueemotionsspilledout.Sean'sdismissalhadbeenaknife throughmyheart.
Cooperkissedmeonmyforeheadandpulledmeincloser.
“Ifthat'swhatyouwant.I'llleaveitalonefornow.”
Isaidnothing,butsnuggledintohimtightly.Iwasdonetalking aboutthingsIcouldn'tunderstand.Couldn'tchange.Couldn'tfix.I wantedtopressintothecomfortthatCooperprovidedanddreamthe pleasantdreamsthatalwayscamewhenIwasinhisnetofsafety.
Cooperwas home.
AndIwasgladtobethere.
2
"Iknowyou'reexhausted,Rubes,butyouneedtocallPeyta,"Coopersaid asheexpertlyscrambledeggs."Ican'tevenbegintodescribethestress she'sbeenfeeling.Firstthewholethingwithherdad,thenyou..."He pausedmid-stir,staringatthepaninhishand.
"WhydoIfeellikethere'ssomethingelseyou'releavingoffthat list?"Iaskedwhilegingerlysippingmyorangejuice.Afterscarfing downthenoodlesthenightbefore,Ifeltterrible―mystomachwasn't adjustingwelltofood.
Hesighedheavilybeforeturningtolookatme.
"It'sJay."
Myheartinstantlysank.Myattentionwasimmediatelybrought backtothescreamsI'dheardcomingfromthehallwayoutsideSean's apartmentthenightthatScarlettookover.Jayhadbeenoutthere, guardingthedoor.
“Nooo...,”Iwhispered,eyessearchingCooper'sforanyshredof evidencethatwhatIfearedwasn'ttrue.AllIfoundinhisexpressionwas pain.
“Itwasbad,Ruby,”hesaidsoberly.
Icouldn'tlisten.Isprangfrommyseatandheadedstraightformy room.Ineededtofindmykeys.
“Ruby!”Coopercalledtomeashepursuedmetomyroom.“Would youwaitasecond?”
Hecaughtmyarmandwhirledmearoundtofacehim.
“Thisismyfault,”Isaid,snifflingsoftly.
“It'snotwhatyouthink,Rubes.He'snotdead,”hesaid,still grippingmyarm.“Seangottohimjustintime,apparently,andthentook himtoPeyta.FromwhatI'vemanagedtosurmise,Seanwasinpretty roughshapehimselfwhentheyarrivedatRonnie's.”
“Peytahealedthem,”Imutteredundermybreath.
Ifeltsick.Ifelltomyknees,andwhatlittlefoodI'dbeenableto keepdowncameupviolentlyalloverthehardwoodfloor.Iknewwhatit wasliketolookdownatsomeoneyoulovedandwatchwhiletheirlife slippedaway.LuckilyforJay,Peytawasn'tahelplessbystanderinthat situation.
“Youneedtositdown,”Cooperordered,placingmeontheedgeof mybed.“I'lltakecareofthis.”Whilehewalkedoutofmyroomtofind whatevermaterialswerenecessarytocleanupthemessI'dmade,I wonderediftherewereenoughinexistencetoaddressthemetaphorical oneIwasin.
Ilookeduptoseemyphonetauntingmefrommynightstand.“Go ahead...callher,”itseemedtosay.“Onecallwillfixeverything.”Thenit laughedatme—anevil,all-knowinglaugh.
“Fuckyou,”Imuttered,staringitdown.
“Fuck me?”Cooperthundered.Ihadn'tevenrealizedhe'dreturned.
“IsthatthethanksIgetforcleaningupyourbreakfast?”
BeforeIcouldprocesswhy,heshotupquickly,grabbingmy shoulderstopullmeclosertohisface.Heglareddeepintomyeyes, searchingthemforsomething.
“Scarlet?”hegrowled.“YouandIneedtochat.”
Suddenly,hisactionsmadesense.IthadbeenawhilesinceScarlet andIhadhadoneofourlittlebackandforthbanters.Ididn'trealize whenIansweredhimwhatmyoutburstwouldimply.
“No,Cooper.It'snother,”Isaidsoftly,tryingtocalmhim.His hazeleyesstartedtoglowwithahintofgold.Hewaspissedoff.Big time.“Thephone...Iwastalkingtothe phone.”
Alookofconcernquicklybledthroughtheangerinhisexpression.
ItwasapparentthathewasunsureofhowmentallysoundIwasinthat moment.Infairness,Ihadbeentalkingtoaninanimateobject.
“Idon'tknowhowIcanfacePeyta,Coop,”IexplainedasItriedto coaxhimintosittingnexttome.“Howdoyousaysorryforbeingaparty totheneardeathofthemansheloves?”
“Ruby,”hesaid,thewarmthreturningtohiseyes,“sheloves you, too.She'snevergivenmeeventheslightestindicationthatsheblames youforanyofthis.She'smissedyou.”Hefinallycametositnexttome, takingmyhandinhis.“She's mournedyou.”
“ButI'mnotdead,”Iwhispered.
“Iknow.Intruth,Idon'tthinksheeverbelievedyouwere,”hesaid, tuckingastraypieceofhairbehindmyear.“Youwouldhavebeenso proudofher,Ruby.Shewassobrave.Whenshelearnedthatyouhad disappearedthatnight,shecalledmerightaway.Sheaskedwhatwe neededtodotofindyou.Shehasbeenthedrivingforcebehindthestore, keepingitgoing.Allshetalkedaboutwashowweneededtohaveit runningsmoothlysoyouwouldn'thavetoworryaboutanythingwhen yougotback.”
Ifeltatearescapemyeye,rollingslowlydownmycheekwhilehe continued.
“Sheeventuallywentonasthoughyouwerejustoutoftown,about toreturnatanytime.That'swhenIstartedtoworryabouther—weall did.”Hisfacegrewhard,tryingtomaskthepainhefelt,butitdidn't matter;Ifelteveryounceofit.“Shetriedsohardtokeepuptheact,but whenshethoughtshewasalone,hertrueemotionscamethrough—she wasinadarkplaceinside.Shedidn'tthinkyouwerecomingback, Ruby...shejustneededto believeyouwere.”
“Idon'tknowwhattosaytoher,Cooper.HowdoIexplain somethingthatIdon'tunderstandmyself?”
“Youthinkyourreturnneedsanyexplanation?”heasked,looking utterlyperplexed.“Ruby,allthatkidwantstodoiswrapherarmsaround youandsqueezeuntiltheygonumbandsomebodyhastopryheroffof you.”
Iwanteddesperatelytobelievehim,butsooftenIfoundmyselfon thewrongsideofexpectations.IfthattrendprovedtrueinthePeyta situation,Ineededtobementallypreparedforit.
“Whatdayisit?”Iasked,mullingsomethingoverinmymind.
“It'sSunday.Why?”
“Willyoucomewithme?”Iasked,givinghishandasqueeze.“To Ronnie's...willyougo?”
Hesqueezedmyhandinreturn.
“Gogetcleanedup.I'lladdressyourregurgitatedbreakfastwhile youdo.Wecanleaveassoonasyou'reready.”
“Thanks,Cooper,”Ireplied,wantingtosaymorethanIcouldbring myselfto.Wehadsoeasilyfallenbackintoourfriendship,andIwanted toacknowledgeit,butIknewmysentimentswouldsomehowbotchthe moment.
IhopedthatPeytaandIwouldbeabletomendjustasquickly.
*
Thedriveprovedunbearablylong,yetpainfullyshort.Cooper guidedthecaralongthefamiliarroutewhileIfrettedawayinthe passengerseat.AsmuchasIwasdyingtoseePeyta,asmallpartofme wasterrifiedbythepotentialcomplicationsoftheencounterandwanted toavoidthematallcosts.IknewCooperwasspeakingtome,tryingto calmme,butIheardnothing.Thevoicesofdoubtinmyminddrowned outallothersound.
WhenweturnedintoRonnie'sdriveway,Ifeltasthoughsomeone wassittingonmychest.Thepressurewasintense,nearlypiercingmy heart.
“Didyoucallbeforeweleft?”Cooperasked,parkinginfrontofthe garage.
“No,”Iwhispered.“Ithoughtitwouldn'tmatter.Besides...Ididn't knowwhattosay.”
“Well,Iguessit’samootpointnow.Let'sgetthisoverwith,shall we?”Hepoppedopenhisdoorandgotoutofthecar.IstayedwhereI was.
Hepausedpartwayupthepathtothehouse,lookingbacktoseeifI wascoming.HesighedheavilywhenherealizedIwasn'tfollowing.
“Ruby,”hecalled,makinghiswaybacktothecar.“Youneedtoget outand―”
Thefrontdooropenedabruptly,snappingourcollectiveattention backtothehouse.OutsteppedPeytawithanexpressionI'dneverseen herwear—disbelief.Notonce,inallthatshe'dbeenthrough,hadIseen
'doesnotcompute'registeronherface.Thatday,Idid.
Isprangfromthecarwithanimmediateneedtoholdher,butbythe timeImademywaytoCooper,sheworeaverydifferentfaceentirely.I didn'tlikeitonebit.I'dseenthatfacetoomanytimestocount,butnever onher.Stoicindifferencelookedallsortsofwrongonher,butsheworeit likeaveteran—hermother'sdaughterforsure.
“Peyta?”IcalledtoherasCoopergrabbedmyarm.Itriedtopull awayfromhim,butheheldmefirmlywhereIwas.HefeltwhatI couldn'tfeelbecauseofmyownfear— anger.
“Whendidyougetback?”sheasked.Hervoicewaseerily controlled.That'swhenIfirstfeltthehostilityrollingoffofherinwaves solargeIthoughttheywouldhavewashedmeawayifCooperhadn'theld mesteady.
“Yesterday,”Cooperoffered.
“Howdidyougetback?”sheasked,foldingherarms.
“P,”Istarted,tryingyetagaintomovetowardher.Cooper'shold wasunyielding.
“Whydidn'tyoucall?”
“TherewassomuchtosortoutwhenIgotback,”Isaid,hesitating.
Shewasright;Ishouldhavecalled.Afriendwouldhavecalled—so wouldasister.
“Isee,”shereplied,hervoicecolderthanice.
“You'reangry,”Isaid,tryingtoplacateher.
“Iwouldhavecalled,”shesaidquietly.
“I'msorry,Peyta.Ireallyam,”Ipleaded.“Pleaseletmeexplain.”
“Idon'tneedanexplanation,”shesaid,turningbacktothedoor.
“I'mgladyou'reback.”
Shewalkedinsideandclosedthedoor,leavingCooperandme dumbfoundedinthedriveway.
“Whatjusthappened?”Iaskedhim,lookingupforasigninhis expression.Ifoundnone.
“Ihavenoidea.”
“Ican'tleaveitlikethis,Coop,”Isaid,feelinghelpless.
“Thenfixit,”herepliedwithoutanywordsofwisdom.“You'rethe onlyonewhocan.”
IthoughtaboutthegirlIknew—thehappy,lovingsprite,whose powersofsarcasmrivaledmyown.Ithoughtaboutwhatshemeanttome andItoher.ThenIthoughtabouthowIwouldhavefeltifshe'dleft withoutatrace,withoutanyreasonableexplanation.HowwouldIhave dealtwithherabsence?Howexhaustingwouldithavebeentokeepupa façadeofoptimismwhileinsideIfeltpartofmysoulerodingslowly?
Peytahadanuncannyabilitytomakesenseoutoftheinsensible becauseherviewoflifewasblackandwhite.Shadesofgraydidn'tmatter toheratall.WhenshehadlearnedwhatCooperandIwere,sheaccepted itwithoutasecondthoughtbecausesheknewusandlovedus.Thatwas whatmatteredtoher;whatweweredidnot.Sowhydidthe'why'matter somuchtoherinthatmoment?Iwashomeandthatwaswhatshe wanted.Thedetailswerejustshadesofgray—orwerethey?Something washoldingherback,anduntilIfiguredoutthewhybehindit,nothing wouldberightbetweenus.Ineededanepiphanyintheworstway.
Instead,IgotRonnie.
“Shetookyourdisappearancereallyhard,
Ruby.Youcan'texpect hertoshedthatarmoratthedropofahat,canyou?”sheasked,making herwaytotheedgeoftheporch.“I'veneverseenherthisbadbefore, though.Shewon'ttalktoanyofusaboutit.”
Herfacelookedmoregrimthanever,whichspokevolumesgiven Ronnie'shistory.ShewasworriedaboutPeytatoo.
“WhatshouldIdo?”Iasked,walkingupthepathtowardher.
Cooperstayedbehind,whichwasfinewithme.Ineededtosolvethe problemwithoutexploitinghisrelationshipwithPeyta.
“Explainwhyyoudidit.”
“Shesaidshedidn'twanttohearit,”Ilamented.
“Andyoubelieveher?”
“Idon'tknowwhattobelieveanymore,Ronnie,”Isighed.“Ifeel likeeverythinghasflippedonitsasssinceI'vebeenback.Nothingisthe same.Nothing feelsright.”
“That'sbecauseitisn't.Youofallpeopleshouldknowwhatitfeels liketolosesomeone.Itchangesyou.Shedidn'tjustlose you,”she started,chokingeversoslightlyonherwords.“Shelostherfathertoo.
Herworldhasslowlybeencrumblingaroundher,Ruby.Her uncomplicatedviewonlifehasbecomesignificantlycomplicated.”
“Ican'tfixthat,”Iwhispered,comingtostandbeforeRonnieatthe baseofthesteps.
“No.Youcan't,”shesaidsoftly.“Butyoucanteachherhowto surviveitbetterthananyoneelseIknow.”
Istoodmotionless,stunnedbyherwords.OfallthethingsI expectedtogetfromRonniewhenIreturned,anodofapprovalwasnot oneofthem.OnceIcollectedmyself,Istartedupthenarrowstairs, tryingnottogettooclosetoherasIpassed.ShecaughtmyarmwhenI stoodbesideher,haltingmyascentupthefinalstep.
“It'sgoodtohaveyouback,”shesaid,staringawayfromme,across thestreet.Herwordsweresoftandgentleaswasherholdonmyarm.
However,herexpressionwhensheturnedtomewasnot.“Don'teverpull astuntlikethatagain.”
Alwaysblackandwhite .
3
Swallowinghard,Ipushedmywaythroughthefrontdoorandquickly mademywayupstairstoherbedroom.Iknewshe'dbethere;itwasher sanctuary.
Justtellherthetruth.It'sallyouhavetodo...