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  Therewerefewcarsontheroadgiventheconditions,soIranalong theparkedcars,hopingtomakeiteasiertospotmyown.AsInearedthe TT,Isawamanleaningagainstacarjustacrossthestreetfromme.He stoodstoically,staringatme.Ithoughtmydaycouldn'thavegottenany worse,but,onceagain,theUniversehadmynumber.

  Seanmovedtocrossthestreet,andIscreamedasoundsodesperate andpainedthattheloud,shrillnoiserangoutthroughtheneighborhood.

  Hefrozeinplace,juststaringatme,hisfaceexpressionlessfromwhat littleIcouldsee.Myoutbursthadn'tbeenforhim;itwasforme―a cleansingofeverythingI'dpentupthatday.WhateverfateSeanheldfor me,Icouldn'tfaceit.Notthen.

  Hesaidnothing,juststoodbyhiscar,motionless.Asmoretearsran downmyface,camouflagedbythefallingsleet,Ishookmyhead'no'at himslowly,thenturnedandrantherestofthewaytomycar.Igotin withoutlookingbackanddroveoffasquicklyastheweatherwould permit.

  Mybodywasnumb,eitherfromthecoldorthefearandemotion thatoverwhelmedme.Ifoughthardagainstmygrowingrigiditytokeep thecarontheroad.Butregardlessofwhatcausedtheicyfeelingcoursing throughmyveinsandtheparalyzingsensationovertakingme,Iwasvery clearononething.

  ThatwasnotthehomecomingwithSeanI'dhopedfor.

  7

  IttookmethreehourstodrivebacktoPortsmouthinthedeteriorating weather.Duringthattime,NewEnglandhadamassedeightinchesof snowandcounting.TheTTmayhavehadappropriatetires,butthanksto thelayeroficealreadyontheroad,shedidn'tfareaswellasIwouldhave liked.JustoutsideofSeabrook,NH,onI-95North,Ifoundmyselfdoing donutsinthecenteroftheroad,prayingthatIwouldn'thitanyofthecars aroundme.Makingitthroughthatordealunharmedwasablessing,butI stillhadseveralmilestogo,andIfoundmyselfwhite-knucklingthe wheeltherestoftheway.Mydistressoverthefuneral,aswellasseeing Sean,hadtotakeabackseattothedrivingcrisisathand.

  Iheardmyphonevibratinginmypursebesideme,butdidn'tdare reachforit.WhoeveritwascouldwaituntilIwassafelyhome,inone piece.ItwasmostlikelyCoopercheckingtomakesureIhadn'tcauseda twentycarpile-uponthefreeway;theironywasthatIalmostdid.

  IwasrelievedwhenIpulleduptomyhome,wantingtojustleave theTToutfrontandmakemywayinsideasquicklyaspossible,but parkingonthestreetwasnotanoption,soImanagedmywaydownthe sidealleywayandleftmycarinthesecludedparkinglotthatwashidden betweentwootherbuildings.IknewIwouldbeplowedin,butwhereto leaveyourcarinaNewEnglandstormwasalwaysthemilliondollar questionforthosewholivedintown,andImadedowithwhatIcould.I wasn'texactlyinahurrytogoanywhere.

  Aftercrammingmybatteredfeetbackintomystilettos,Iwobbled mywaytothemainentranceofmybuilding,usingthebrickfaçadefor stability.Onceinside,Itookadeepbreath,leaningagainstthedoorfor support.Ithadbeenalong,tryingday,andIwassothankfulitwasover.

  AllIwantedtodowascleanmyselfup,climbintosomewarmjammies, andcurluponthecouch.Withthatplaninmind,Iworkedmywayupthe stairstomyapartment.

  ThesoundofmyclickingheelsalertedCoopertomyarrival,andhe swungthedooropenabruptly,lookingtheslightestbitfrazzled.

  “Jesus,Ruby.Whathappenedtoyou?Areyouokay?”heasked, eyeingmyunkemptappearance.

  “Longstory,Coop.It'sbeenaroughday,”Isaid,draggingmy wearybodyintothehouse.

  Heflashedalookofacknowledgment,rememberingwhyI'dbeen goneinthefirstplace.Heusheredmetothecouch,hisarmaroundmy shoulders,andhelpedmesitdown.

  “Howwasit?”heaskedsoftly,takingmyhandsinhis.Iwinced slightlywhenhebrushedacutthatwasbarelyscabbingover.Hefrowned whenhelookeddownandsawthem,immediatelygettinguptogo retrievesomethingfromthebathroomandreturningwithawarm washcloth.Withoutanotherword,hestartedtocleanthemup.

  “Itwasawful,Cooper,”Iwhispered.“He's reallygone,andhis family―thepain―Icouldn'ttakeit.”Iwatchedwhilehedelicately wipedthedriedbloodfrommyhand,turningthewashclothoverandover inanattempttofindacleanarea.“Helovedme,Coop,”Iadmitted,my voiceladenwithguilt.

  “Ofcoursehedid,”hesaid,finallymeetingmygaze.“It's impossiblenotto.”Hesmiledweaklyashebrushedaclusterofdrying curlsoffmyface,tuckingthemgentlybehindmyear.Ileanedinand kissedhimonthecheekwiththesametendernessthathe'djustshown me.

  “That'snotexactlywhatImeant,”Isaid,suddenlyfeelingawkward.

  “Imeanthe lovedme,andnotjustafterhisChange,butbefore.Long before,apparently.”

  Cooperstoppedcleaningmyhandsandlookedatmeintently.

  “Howlongbefore?”

  “Months,”Isaid,beforehesitating;Iwasn'tsureIwantedtoopen myemotionalcanofworms.“Hismothersaidhewantedtomarryme.He toldherIwasthegirlforhim,andIkilledhim,Cooper.Ican'ttakethis!

  Theguiltisunbearable...”Ilaunchedoffofthecouchandpaced franticallythroughthelivingroom.Somethinghadtogive,anditneeded todoitsoon.ThescreamI'dletoutinfrontofSeanwasonlya momentaryreleaseofpressure.IfIdidn'tfindanoutletfortherestofit, thelidwasgoingtoofficiallyblow.

  “Ruby,justcalmdownforasecond,”Coopersaid,followingmeon mywanderingpaththroughtheapartment.“You havetoknowthatyou didn'thaveachoice.Hewasn'ttheirsonanymore―”

  “Butthat'smyfaulttoo,Cooper!Don'tyousee?Everyonearound me—closetome—paysapriceforthat!You,Peyta,Matty...even Sean.

  TheBeauchampswouldhave,ifwehadn'tcaughttheRevwhenwedid.

  Christ,Cooper,their babywouldhavebeenkilled.Whatkindoffucking personendangerseveryonearoundthem?Everyonetheylove?”Hehad noanswerforme,thoughthepaininhisexpressionindicatedthathe wishedhedid.“Yousee?Even youcan'tdenyit.”

  “Ruby―”

  “No,Cooper!Noplacatingstatementsfromyou,please.You know thatI'mright.I'vestruggledwiththisformonthsnow,andeverytimeI thinkthematterisresolved,anewcasualtyhitsandI'mrightbackwhere Istartedagain.”

  “Andwhereisthat?”heasked,lookingsaddened.

  “I'mcursed,plainandsimple.SeansaidthatRBswerean aberration,butmaybeit'snotthat.Maybe abominationisabetterword, becausepreciouslittleseemstobepositivelyinfluencedbymypresence, Cooper.MaybeI'msomeforceofdarkness,meanttoplaguetheworld withtragedyandsadness.MaybethePCwasrighttoputusalldown.”

  “Listen,you'retired,you'reemotionallyexhausted.Youneedtoeat somethingandrest.You'renotthinkingclearlyrightnow,”heargued, makinghiswayovertome.

  “Agoodnight'ssleepisn'tgoingtomakethisgoaway,Coop.I'ma fuckingcalamity,”Isaid,dodginghimashereachedformyarm.“Maybe youshouldgo...moveout,beforesomethingelsehappenstoyou.”

  “I'mabigboy,Ruby,andIdon'tknowhowmanytimeswe'regoing tohavethisverydiscussionbeforeitsinksintothatthickheadofyours,”

  hesaid,lungingformyarmagain,successfullythattime.“I'm.Not.

  Leaving.Whateverchaosmaycome,youandIwillfaceittogether.Fate hasbondedus,Rubes.Forbetterorworse,we'reateam.”

  Myeyessnappedtohisfaceassoonasthewordslefthismouth.I’d beenbitch-slappedbyarealization.

  “A pack,”Iwhisperedsoftly,mymindscanningbacktoa conversationI'dhadwithSeanonthenightofourfirstofficialdate.We wererehashinganargumentthatCooperandIhadjusthadbeforeIwent toseehim.Icouldn'tfigureoutsomethingthatCooperhadsaidtome; somethingregardinghisfeelingsformeandhowthey'dchanged.Howhe couldn'texplainthem.

  I'mconnectedtoyouinawaythat'sbeyondmycomprehension...

  Itallstar
tedtomakesense:Cooper'sshiftinpower,hisneedto keepmesafe,ourbond;hehadbecomean alpha.Somethinginhimhad emergedthenighthe’dkilledGregoryintheforest.Gregoryhimselfhad admittedthathe'dunderestimatedCooper'sstrengthandpower , and takingGregoryoutonlyfurtheredthosequalities.Itexplainedhow deeplyhelovedmeandIlovedhim,butevenmoreso,itmadesenseof whywecouldneverquitegetpastbeingfriends.Weweren'tmeanttobe mates; wewere pack, andhewasmyalpha.

  “Whatdidyousay?”heasked,hislookofdisbeliefslowlymelting intooneofunderstanding.

  “We'reapack,Cooper,youandI,”Isaid,standingmyground.

  “Thinkaboutit.Itexplains everything,especiallywhyyougosonuts whenyouthinkI'mindanger.Yourjobistoprotectme. Youaremy alpha.”

  Foronceinhislife,Cooperwasspeechless.

  Istartedtogointofurtherexplanationofmytheory,butwasrudely interruptedbyabangingontheapartmentdoor.Myadrenalinespiked instantly—peoplepoundingonmydoorinthepastneverbodedwellfor me.Coopershotmealookofirritation,mostlikelybecauseIhadonce againforgottentolocktheoutsidedoor.

  “I'msorry,”Icried.“It'sbeenabadfuckingday,Cooper.”

  Hemutteredsomethingwhilehemadehiswaydownthehall, frustratedbymyineptitude.

  “It'sasifyou wantsomeonetojustwalkinandkillyou,”he bitched,walkinginfrontofme.

  “Hey!Atleastthey'dstillhavetogetthroughtheapartmentdoor,”I protestedasIhurriedupbesidehim.IflashedhimagrinthatIhoped wouldsoftenhimslightly.Itdid,butonlyminutely.

  “You'regoingtogivemeanulcerifyou'rerightaboutthisalpha thing,”hesaid,reachingforthedoorknob.“Nowwouldyoumind steppingbehindme,please?You'rehardertodefendwhenyouput yourselffirstinthelineoffire.”

  “Yes,master,”Iconceded,sidesteppingintoaspotdirectlybehind him,justashe’dasked.Asmallpartofmewasputoffbyhis domineeringremark,buttherealitywasthathewasright.Hewoulddie tryingtoprotectmeinanyandallsituationsthatImanagedtogetmyself into,mostofwhichcouldlikelybeavoidedifItookasecondtothink beforeacting.Foodforthought.

  Perhapswewerebothgettingparanoid,giventhatwedidn'teven knowwhowasatthedoor,butparanoiahadserveduswellinthepast.

  TheotherrealityIstillhadtofacewasthatIwasessentiallyhumanand morefragilethanever.Scarletwasgone,andIcouldn'tdependonherto healmeifIgotshotup,stabbed,ornearlyclubbedtodeath;yetanother inconvenienceofherabsence.

  Somethinginhiseyesflashedatmysubmission,anditcemented everythingforme.Hereallywasanalpha,throughandthrough.The questionthatstirredinmymindwas:what kindofalphawouldhebe?

  “Shallweseewhat'sbehinddoornumberone?”hetossedoverhis shoulderatmeasheturnedtheknob.

  Whatherevealednearlystoppedmyheart.

  8

  “Iseethatyou'restillaliveanddoingwell,”avoicesaidfromthe stairwell.Coopergrowledatthemanwholookedpasthimatme.“Iwas worriedaboutyou.”

  “Wewereworriedaboutyou,”anothermalevoiceadded.

  InfrontofCooperandmestoodthethreemenwhohadfoundmein Maine.Onestoodslightlyinfrontoftheothers,soItookhimtobethe alpha.HewastallerthanCooperandthinnertoo.Hishairwasawashed-outblondthathekeptshort,andhisgray-blueeyeswerelargebutdull, likehewasinaconstantstateofexhaustion.

  Thetwobehindhimweresimilarinsizeandshape,bothofthem withbrownhair,butthat’swherethesimilaritiesended.Whereonewas muscularandscholarlylooking,theotherwasatadleanerwithhardcore tatsandsteeldecoratingwhatIcouldseeofhisbody,leadingmeto believethatthereweremanyothersjustoutofview.

  “Ruby...,”Cooperprodded,wantingmyexplanationASAP.

  “ShouldIassumethatthisistheoneyouspokeofatthecabin?”the talloneasked,stillignoringCoopertostareatme.

  “Whothefuckareyou?”Coopergrowled,clearlyunhappywiththe situation.

  “Coop,”Isaid,cozyingupbesidehim.“ThesearethemenItold youabout.TheoneswhofoundmeinMaine.”

  “They'renot men,” hereplied,stillstaringthemdown.

  “Okay,fine,poorchoiceofwords.”Ilookedoveratthemaleson thelandingandtriedtofigureoutwhatexactlywasimportantenoughto makethemdrivethroughoneoftheworststormsNewEnglandhadseen inyears.“Whyareyouhere?”Iaskedbluntly,notfeelinguptoidlechat whentherewasclearlynonetobehad.

  “Weneedafavor,andsinceyouoweusone,Ifiguredthatperhaps wecouldmakeanarrangementofsorts,”hesaid,foldinghisarmsacross hischest.

  “Likewhat?”Cooperasked,cuttingmeoffbeforeIhadthechance toaskthesamequestion.

  “Refuge.”

  “Likeyouwantto stayhere?”Iasked,thoroughlyconfused.“I'm notafuckinghotel!”

  Theprofessorial-lookingbrunetsteppeduptothesideofthelanky blond.Helookedwickedpissedoff.

  “Wecouldhaveleftyoutofendforyourselfinthewoodswherewe foundyou,”hesaid,hisBritishaccentdrippingwithdisdain.Hedidn't seembigonaskingforhelp.“Youdidn'tlooktoocapableatthatmoment, soweintervened.I'dthinkthatwouldbuyusatleastachancetoplead ourcase.”

  Cooper'slookwasmurderous.Ihadtophysicallygrabhisshirtto lethimknowheneededtotoneitdownanotch.Theyweren'tlookingfor afight,buttheyweren'twinninganypointseither.SensingCooper's growingrage,theleaderoftheirtrioattemptedtomediate.

  “Alistair,”hesaid,histonelacedwithwarning.“Maybeyoushould stepoutsideandcooloffabit.Idon'tthinkyou'rehelpingoursituationat all.”

  “Goodidea,”Coopergrowledinagreement.“Maybeyoushould all headoutside.”

  IgrabbedhisarmandtriedtocalmhimslightlybecauseIknewhe wasdangerouslyclosetolettinghiswolfout,andthatwasthelastthing ourlittleimpromptupartyneeded.

  “Okay,boys,Ithinkweneedtotakethisdownanotch,”Isaid, movingtogetinbetweenthemen.Cooperwasnothavingitandpushed mebehindhim.“Ifyouplantoaccomplishanythingheretonight,I suggestyouguystreadverylightlyaroundmyboyCoop.He'sgota reallyshortfuse,especiallywhenitcomestome.”

  “Dulynoted,”theblondreplied,noddingonce.“Sohowdoyou wanttodothis?”heasked,lookingnervousthatIwasabouttoboothim outofmyplace.

  “Whydon'tyoustartbyremindingmewhoyouare,”Itoldhim, tryingtoslidepastCooperagain.

  “MynameisJanner.ThisisAlistair,andthequietoneisBeckett,”

  hesaid,motioningtotheothertwomen.

  “Janner?Like yawner?”Iasked,tryingnottogiggle.“HowdidI managetoforgetthat?”HehadastrangeaccentthatIcouldn'tevenbegin toplace,soIshouldn'thavebeensurprisedthathehadacrazynameto accompanyit.

  “Yes,”hesaid,hisjawclenchingslightly.“It'sacommonname whereI'mfrom.”

  “So, Janner, whatexactlyisitthatyouneedrefugefrom?”Isaid, eyeinghimtightly.

  “We'reinabitofapickle...,”Jannerstarted,choosinghiswords carefully.“We'reinthemarketforanewpack.Wethoughtmaybeyou wouldbeabletohelpwiththat.”

  “No,”Cooperbarked,movingtoslamthedoorintheirfaces.I lungedinfrontofhim,stiff-armingthecentury-olddoorbackopen.

  “Maybeweshouldhearthemout,Cooper,”Isaid,lookingupat him.“Theydidhelpme.”

  “Theydid,thoughI'msurethatservedtheirpurposemoreinthe longrun,”hesnarled.“Andhadyounotbeenmated,Idon'tthinkIwould havelikedhowtheywentabouthelpingyou.”

  “Probablynot,butthatdidn'thappen,”Iargued.Ilookedbackat Jannerandcompanyandtriedtofeeltheirenergies.Somethingab
out themwasguarded—I'dneverfeltthatkindofshieldingbeforeandwasn't certainwhattomakeofit.“Comein,”Ioffered,movingbackoutofthe doorway.Coopershotmeascathinglook,whichIignored.“Thisshould onlytakeaminute.”

  Aftertheyentered,Cooperpulledmeasideandproceededtobicker withmeinfrontofthemaboutmebeingcrazyandirresponsible.I counteredabouthimbeingrudeandoverprotective.Wewouldhavegone onforever,butasinglestatementjarredusbothoutoftirades.

  “Youarenothermate,”agravellyvoicecalledoutsoftly.Cooper andIdidanabout-facetostareatBeckett,thequietone.Hemayhave beenshortonwordsingeneral,buthechosetousethemwhenthey counted.Iwasn'tsureIlikedwherehewasgoingwiththatstatement.

  “Yourbond,”hecontinued,movingtowardsmecautiously,“Idon't senseitlikeIdidbefore.Itshouldstrengthenaroundyourmate,not weaken.”

  IlookedatCooperwithpanickedeyesandsawthathisfeelings wereverydifferentthanmine.Hiseyesglowedyellow,andIknewitwas allabouttogodownbecauseBecketthadtomakethatsingleobservation known.

  TheothertwomeneyedmestrangelythenfollowedBeckett'slead, movingtowardsmeslowly,theirexpressionscurious.Ididn'tfeela menacingenergyfromthem―Icouldn'tgetareadonthematall.

  “Sheisn'this,”Jannersaid,clearlycomingtohisownrealization.

  Cooper'sgrowlingwasmoremenacingthanI'deverheardit,andI fearedthat,onthesamedaythatIlearnedIhadanalpha,Iwouldlose him.

  ThetriokeptapproachingwithlittletrepidationvisiblewhileI continuedtoretreatsilentlyoutthedoorafterCoopershovedmetoward it.IquicklymetresistancewhereIshouldn'thave.BeforeIcouldturnto seewhatI'dbumpedinto,hisenergyslammedthroughmelikeabull throughacrowd.

  Calm.

  “No.Sheisn'this,”Seanrumbledovertopofme.“Sheis mine.”

  9

  WhenIfinallyturnedtoseeSean'sface,hewasalreadyleaningdown,his lipsatmyears.