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  Hegavemenothinginresponsebutasteadystare.

  “YouwanttoknowthefirstthingIsaidwhenIwokeupinJanner's cabin?”

  Again,hegavemenothing.

  “Ishealive?”Ishouted,rammingmypalmintohischest,hisheart.

  “Iaskedthemif youwerealive!Sodon'tyougetallfuckingpitypartyon me,likethiswholethinghasbeenavacationforme.Doyouknowhow maddeninglosing youhasbeen?HowcrazyImademyselfinmy darkenedprison,wonderingifIwasevergoingtocomehometoyouat all,andifIdid,andyouwerestillalive,wonderingifyou'deverwantto havemeagain?Youwouldn'teventalktomewhenCoopercalledyou!I thoughtwewereover,Sean,over...andthatyouhatedmesomuchyou couldn'tmusterthedecencytotellme.Notevenoverthephone.”

  Withmyfacesonearhim,Icouldfinallyseeaflinchofemotion, howeverfleetingitwas.Allitleftbehindwasthetiniesttraceofgreenin theblackenedpoolsofhiseyes.

  “I'msorry,Sean.I'msosorrythatIcouldn'ttrustyouwithwhatI thoughtI'ddonetoMatty.Butyouhavetounderstandthatyoudon't makeiteasyforme,”Isaid,collapsingbackdowntotheseatbehindme.

  “Whenreactionslikethis,”Isaid,wavingmyhandathim,“arewhatI canexpect,Itendtochooseadifferentcourse.”

  “WhatIdidtonight...,”hesaid,pausingslightly.“Ithadapurpose.”

  “Scaringtheshitoutofmeisonehelluvawaytomakeyourpoint.”

  “Ididn'tdoittoscare you,”hesaid,eyesblazing.“Ididittogetto her.Shewasgoingtopayforheractions,notyou.”

  Aflashofnervesigniteddownmyspineathiswords.

  “ButScarletdoesn'tfeelpain,Sean,”Iadmittedsoftly.“Allyou wouldhavedonewashurt me... ”

  Helookedstunnedforamoment,thenIrealizedthatmaybethat wasyetanotherlittledetailIhadn'tbotheredtosharewithhimovertime.

  “Ididn'tknow,”hesaidquietly.“Ijust...there'ssomuchanger.I neededtogetitout.Neededsomeoneelsetosharemyburden.”

  Fearwashedoverhimquickly,overridingwhateveremotional barrierhehaderectedearlier,andhepulledmetomyfeet,yankingmy coatopentoaccessthenecklineofmydress.Hedrewitdowngently, thenranhishanddelicatelyovermycollarbonesandacrossmysternum, examininganydamageI’dsustainedwhenhe’dpinnedmetothewall.

  “It'shardlovingsomethingsofragile...”

  “Iknow,”Iwhispered,turningawayfromhim.Hisstatementwas anobservationofmyphysicalfragility.Minewasofhisemotionalone.

  Withthatrealization,hisreactionsmadefarmoresense.Hisrage wasn'tdrivenbyfearatall,and,asthatangerwaned,allIcouldsense wasguilt.Guiltandneed.

  “Iwantnothingmorethantobethemanyouneedrightnow...the manyouhadhopedtocomebackto,”hesaid,walkingawayfromme, distancinghimselffromthemomentwe'djusthad."ButIcan't.Idon't knowhowtoexplainittoyou.Nomatterhowmuchmymindknowsthat youarenotatfault―thatyouarenottoblame―apartofmestillwants someonetopay.”Hiseyeswouldn'tmeetminewhenheexpressed somethingabouthimselfthatheclearlydetested―adichotomousnature thatI,ofallpeople,couldeasilywrapmymindaround.“I needsomeone topay.Thebeastwillnotrestuntilthen...”

  “Beast?”Iaskedhesitantly.

  “Myrage,bloodlust,blackvoidofhatred―whateveryouwishto callit.Itcannotbequieted.I'mfightingforcontroleverysecondI'mhere withyounow.Can'tyoufeelit?”

  Andboy,couldI.

  “Yes,buttherehastobeawaytofixit...isn'tthere?”Iasked beseechingly.“IfScarletneverreturns,itcan'tbelikethisforever.You can'tfeelthiswayeverytimeyouseeme,canyou?"

  Helookedupatmypleadingeyes.AllIsawwasasadnesssodeep thatitthreatenedtoengulfme.Thenitdisappearedentirely,leavingonly themenacingblacknessthathaddominatedjustmomentsbefore.With thereturnofthatpigmentcamethereturnofhisrage.

  “Andiftherewasaway?”heasked,stalkingtowardmeslowly.

  “Iwouldtakeit.”Theconfidenceinmywordswasdirectly contradictedbytheknockingofmyknees.Dark-eyedSeanwasnoteasy togetusedtohavingaround,especiallywhenIwasthesubjectofhis undividedattention.

  “Doyoutrustmeenough?”

  “Todowhat?”

  “Totakethatoption?”heasked,meticulouslyassessingmyevery response.“Tonotharmyou...”

  “Whatareyougoingtodo?”

  “ThereareonlytwowaystoreleasewhatIfeelrightnow,”hetold me,hisvoicecoldasice.“Killingyouisclearlynotanoption..."His wordstrailedoffasthough,whateveroptionnumbertwowas,itmaynot havebeenfavorableeither.ItmademegladthatIhadn'tdirectly answeredhisquestionabouttrustinghim,giventhatmypersonaljury wasstilloutonthatmatteratthemoment.

  “Andtheotheroption...?”

  Hespunmearoundandpulledmybackfirmlyagainsthischestina flash,holdingontomyarmsinanefforttokeepmethere.Heexhaled heavilyinmyhairwhilehestruggledtokeephisbreathingcontrolled.

  “Tellmeyou needme,”hesaid,rubbinghisfaceslowlythroughmy curls.

  Ajoltoffearshotthroughme,andIfoughthardtoovercomeit.

  “Ineedyou,”Itoldhim,myvoicesoquietthewordswerebarely audible.

  Asmallrumbleofsatisfactionvibratedthroughhischestandinto myback.

  “Tellmeyou loveme,”hedemanded,hisnosegentlystrokingthe lobeofmyear.

  “Iloveyou,”Irepliedasmypulsequickened.

  Therumblebecamestrongerashenippedmyneckwithhisteeth.

  Suddenly,Ifelttherawsenseofneedcoursingthroughhim,and,as aresult,throughme.Itquicklystartedtomakemoresensetomewhyhe wassoconcernedaboutmytrustinhim.Heknewhewasabouttotread onunstablegroundforme―groundthatIhadonlybeguntoreinforce beforeScarletabductedme.Eveninallhismenacingwonder,hestilldid notwishtoharmme,physicallyorotherwise.Noteventomeethismost inborninstincts.

  “Tellmeyou wantme,”hegrowledinmyear,hisholdonme tightening.

  “Iwantyou,”Isaid,findingithardtobreathe,mymouthtoodryto evenswallow.

  Whenhishandsfoundtheirwaytothehemofmydress,onethrust itupabovemywaist,theotherplummetingdownmypantyhoseand underwear,settlingonitsclandestinedestination.

  “Sayitagain,”heordered,bodymotionless,asifawaitingmy permissiontocontinue.MybreathcaughtinmythroatwhileItriedto respond.

  “Sean―”

  Thesecondhisnamepassedmylips,hishandinstantlyworked againsttherestrictivespandexsurroundingit,furiouslyrubbingmybody intoafrenzy.Mymindwasoverwhelmed,andIcouldbarelyprocesshis words.

  WhenhishandstoppedandIcaughtmybreath,Iwasableto comprehend.

  “Say.It.Again.”

  ToreassurehimthatIunderstood,Ipressedmybodybackintohim asfirmlyasIcould―asmuchastheweaknessinmykneeswouldallow.

  “Iwantyou,”Isighed,reachingmyarmbackovermyheadtotouch hisface.“Now.”

  Heinterceptedmyhand,pullingmyarmbackdowntomyside.

  “No,no,no,littleone.I'llbegivingtheorderstonight,”he whisperedinmyearbeforeviolentlypullingmyunderwearandtights downaroundmyankles.“IhopeCooperandtheboysareoutforawhile.

  Iplanontakingmytime.”

  Whenhishandfoundmeagain,Igasped,tryingtoremainupright, butluckilyforme,thatwasn'tpartofhisplan.BeforeIknewitmychest waspressedtightlytothewindowseat,armssplayedoutbesideme.Ifelt himpressagainstme,therumblingsoundinhischestreturning.

  “IneedyoutoknowthatIloveyou,Ruby,”hetoldme,sounding business-like.“Nowtellmetofuckyou...”

  10

 
; Istartledawakeinthemiddleofthenight,shootingupinbed,still tangledinthecovers.Besidemewasnothingbutemptymattress.Hewas gone.

  Isighedheavily,slumpingagainstmyvintagewoodenheadboard.

  I'dbeennaïvetothinkthateverythingwouldbefineafterourencounter, whichmademefeelridiculousforlettingithappeninthefirstplace.My headcollapsedintomyknees,whichweretuckedtightlyagainstmy chest,whileIgroanedinfrustrationwiththesituationaswellasmy stupidity.

  “I'moverhere,”avoicecalledfromtheshadows.Myheadsnapped toattention,searchingthedarknessforSean'slocation.Ittookmea momenttomakehimout,butsureenough,hesatmotionlessinmy armchairtuckedinthefarcorneroftheroom.“Iwasconcernedthatthe enthusiasmyoushowedearliermighthavewornoffbythetimeyouwoke up.Ithoughtitbesttoleaveyousomespace,”heexplained,movinginto thescantlightthemoonprovided.“Ididn'tleaveyou...”Hisvoicewas tenderandsoft―myheartnearlymelted.Suchastarkcontrasttothe brutewhoonlyhoursearlyhaddemandedmylove.Now,themanleft behindwasscaredhemayhavelostit.

  “So,you'vejustbeensittinghere,watchingmesleep?”Iasked curiously,tryingtolightenhismoodslightly.

  “You'dbesurprised,”hesaidwithasubtlecurlofhismouth.“It's highlyentertainingattimes.”

  Iforcedasmileinreturn,buthesawrightthroughmeasalways.

  “Doyouwantmetogo?”heasked,hiswordsagaincarryingarare softness.

  Ididn'tknowwhatIwanted.OnlyhoursearlierI'dgonethrougha rollercoasterrideofemotionalhighsandlowsthatstillhadmyhead reeling.It'swhatwokemeupinthefirstplace.WhenSeancameintomy apartment,myheartskippedabeat―grantedthatwaspartlyfear driven―buthiseffectonmewasstillasintactasminewasonhim.

  Regardless,hisangerremained,andgivenhowthewholethingwent down,hewascompletelyill-equippedtodealwiththatanger.

  Asforthesex,thatwasthemostcomplicatedeventoftheevening.I couldn'texplainit,butsomehowIknewhe neededthat,notonlyfora release,butalsoforsomethingdeeper,darker―apunishmentofsorts, meanttoprovethathestillhadsomelevelofcontroloverme.As barbaricasthatsounded,Iunderstoodit.Itwasn'tsexwiththeSeanI'd beenwithbefore,thegreen-eyedgodwhohadsavedmemoretimesthan Icouldremember.I’dhadsexwithhisotherhalf,hisinnerScarlet,the black-eyedmercenaryI'dgrowntoknowandfear,andalthoughhewas intense,dominating,evenbrutalattimes,Ilearnedaveryimportantfact fromallofthat. Helovedmetoo.BothsidesofSeanlovedmeequally, thoughtheyhaddecidedlydifferentwaysofexpressingit.Submittingto himwasexactlywhathe'dneededtomovepasthisrage.

  “I'llgo,”hesaid,makinghiswaytothedoor.

  “No!”IblurtedoutasIstumbledoutofthebed,wrappedinmy comforter.Icrashedtothegroundbeforescramblinginelegantlytomy feet.“I'msorry.Iwasthinkingaboutsomething.”

  “And?”hesaid,pausingbythedoor.

  “IthinkIgetit...whathappenedlastnight—”IstartedbeforeSean cutmeoff,lookingmoderatelyembarrassed.

  “Ruby,I—”

  “Youforgivemenow,”Isaid,takingmyturntointerrupthim.“You bothdo.”

  Ihesitatedwithmylaststatement,unsurethathewouldfollowwhat Iwasattemptingtosay.Instead,helookedatmewithwideeyesthat clearlygotmymessage.

  “That'swhyyouhadto...whywe...”Ifumbled,tryingtofinda delicatewaytodescribetheraw,angrysexthathadoccurredinmyroom thatnight.“It'slikeyouhavetwosidestoo,butnotliterally,andyours isn'tawolf.It'ssomethingelse,butoddlysimilar. Heneededthatfrom me―formeto lethimhavethat,didn'the...er,uh,you?AmImakingany sensehere,or―”

  “Yes,” hesaid,cuppingmyfacesoftly . “Youare,thoughthedetails arealittleoffasusual.”Hesmiledathisjab,butitquicklyfaded.“Of courseIforgiveyou,Ruby.TherewasneveranyquestionthatIwould.

  Thequestionnowiswhetherornot youcanforgive me?”

  “DoIgetbreakfastoutofthedealifIsayyes?”Iasked,smilingup athimwhilemystomachrumbled.Itwasonethirtyinthemorning,but ourbedroomescapadeshadleftmefamished.

  Heleanedinslowlytokissme,andIfoundmyselfwitheyesclosed, risinguponmytoestomeethim.Myheartbeatfasterandtheelectricity thatflowedbetweenuswasinfullforce.Timestoodstill,theseconds drawingoutpainfullywhileIawaitedhiscontact.Whenhisbreath tickledmylips,Ipartedthemwithaninhaleofanticipation.

  Insteadofakiss,Igotinterruptedbyanunwantedbangingonmy door.

  “Areyouup?”Coopershouted,knowingdamnwellIwassincehe couldusuallyhearmefromthelivingroom.Withoutany acknowledgment,heslammedopenthebedroomdoor.

  “Seriously,Coop?”Isnapped,scoopingtheblanketsuparoundme tighter.

  “Oh,please,Ruby.LikeIhaven'tseenitbefore,”hesighed,flipping onthelight.Seangrowled.“Ithinkweneedafamilyhuddle.Theseguys aremakingmecrazyalready.Ithinkit'stimeforthemtogo.”

  “Ithinkit'stimefor youtogo,”Seansaidcalmly,staringCooper down.

  “Oh,”Coopersaid,lookingbackandforthbetweenSeanandme.“I wasn'tinterrupting,wasI?Sosorry.Pleasecontinue.I'llentertainyour squatterswhileyoutwocarryonwithwhateveritwasyouweredoing.No problem.”

  Heturnedoffthelightandthrewthedoorclosedbehindhim, punctuatinghissentencewithaslam.

  “Youtwoarereallygoingtohavetotryandfindawaytoget along,”ItoldSean,makingmywaytomywalk-incloset.“Itdoesn't makethingseasieronmetohaveyoutwoconstantlyatodds.And frankly,Idon'tevenknowwhyyouare.”

  “It'samalething,”Seanofferedforexplanation.

  Istuckmyheadoutandgavehimmybesthairyeyeball.

  “Istillhaven'tofficiallyforgivenyou,youknow,”Isaidhaughtily.

  “Icoulddragthatoutformonths,ifyou'dprefer.It'skindofa girlthing.”

  “Pointtaken,”hesaid,walkingtowardsme.Ipulledonmypants justbeforehecorneredmeinthecloset.IkeptmybacktohimwhileI fumbledwithmytanktop,tryingtofigureoutwhichendwaswhichin thedark.

  “Doesyourofferstillstand?”heasked,turningmearoundasI pulledthehemofmytopdownpastmynavel.

  “Itdoes,butnowI'mtackingongoodbehavior.Youhaveto promisetotry,”Ipleaded.“Cooperwillbegettingthesamespeech,if thatmakesyoufeelanybetter.”

  “Andwhatofthetrioofforeignersinyourlivingroom?MustIbe well-manneredtothemtoo?”

  “I'mundecidedonthat,”Isaid,pullingmyselfuptokisshim quickly.“I'llkeepyouposted.”

  “Dothat,”hesaidintensely.“IthinkCooper'srightaboutonething; it'stimeforyourunwantedhousegueststoleave."

  “Sean,”Ibreathed,preparingforabattle.“Ireallywanttohear themout.”

  “AndIwantto seethemout,”hecountered,positioninghisbody onlyinchesawayfrommine.

  “Andtheycameheretoseeme,notyou,soI'mgoingtoentertain theirpleaandthendecidewhattodo,”Itoldhimfirmly."Thisisstillmy home,andI'mstillinchargeofwhatgoesoninit.Iknowthatfactpains bothyouandCoopergreatly,butit'sthetruthandyourreality.”His expressioncooledeversoslightly.“Please,Sean.Youaskmetotrust you.Pleasetrustmeenoughtodotherightthinghere."

  Hisfacecontortedinsuchafamiliarwaythatitstartledme momentarily.HewasgivingmeCooper'sfamed'areyoufuckingkidding me?'face.Iknewthatgoodjudgmentwasn'tmystrongsuit,buttherewas somethingabouttheboysthatseemedhonest,despitetheirreserved energy.Theysavedmefrommyhell;Iowedthemone.IfIcouldhelp themescapefromtheirs,thenIwould.

  “Please?”Iasked,pressingagainsthisfortressofabody.“I'm
askingyoutoletmeleadonthisone.”Hischestrumbledbeneathme.“I promise,thesecondbodiesneedtodrop,it'sallyouandCooper."

  “Well,”hestarted,pullingmeupoffthefloortowrapmylegs abouthiswaist.“Sinceyouaskedsonicely..."Hepulledmeinforcefully forakiss.Itwasgoodthathewasholdingmeupbecausemybodywent weaktheinstanthestarted.

  Heputmedownmomentslaterandstraightenedmydisheveled clotheswhileIcametomysenses.

  “Ilikeitwhenyouaskformypermission,”hepurredinmyear.

  “I'lldoitmoreoftenifthat'stherewardIget,”Ireplied,sounding mildlywinded.

  Hiseyesweredarkerthannormal,butthatwasn'tentirely surprising.IwasgettingacrashcourseinhowtonavigateSean'ssplit personality.Whyhehaditinthefirstplacewasbecomingclearer,though itwasstillabitofamystery.Exactlyhowitworkedwastoo.

  “Areyoutwofuckingfinishedinthereyet?”Cooperholleredfrom thelivingroom.

  “Coming,”Isighed,notlookingforwardtoourfamilymeeting.

  Seanlookedatmewithacontrolledharshnessthattoldmehewas havingahardtimelettingmetakethelead.Iplacedmyhandinhisand gavealittlesqueeze.

  “Iguessweshouldgetthisoverwith,”Ilamented.

  “Thesecondoneofthemscrewsup…”Seanstarted,eyeingme tightly.

  “Agreed,”Inodded.“Youcangetmedievalonthem.”

  Hechokedoutaharshandheartylaugh.

  “I’veneverunderstoodthatsaying,”hedeclared,pullingme towardsthebedroomdoor.“Therewereperiodsintimefarmore torturousthanthatone.Iactuallyfoundthemedievalmethodstobe rathercivilized."